Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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