Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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