it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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