the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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