How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
