i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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