yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
