I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
