my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is wine microwaveable?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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