Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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