Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
