remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
