dude i'm inner monologue high
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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