trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
