I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
