Already got asked if we're dating
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the condom got lost in my hair
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
