let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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