dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
