Umm I'm too high to move.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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