I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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