just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
