please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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