We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
