i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
