my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Only a mothe r could love this liver
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
