this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize