Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When are your genitals available?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
