I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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