no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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