you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
