fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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