so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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