We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I faked an abortion last night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
