she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
two words...techno handjob
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
