Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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