This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
