Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
