I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
