i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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