Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
