Where are you?
In a non slutty way
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
