there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
