hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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