We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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