So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize