I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
