a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
