If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
