The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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