I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
