Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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