you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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