yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
