I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
