false alarm. still invincible.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
