Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
