I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
