Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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