ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
