The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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