so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
