either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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