the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
