It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
