god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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