That's intense
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
