I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
