We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
