my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
