He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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